Scene I
Baldy and girl friend, who is also bald, are eloping. Their love story is irrelevant. What’s more crucial is that the girl friend is pregnant – with Baldy’s kids. They have to marry before society starts pointing feathers at them. They reach the Garuda temple, panting and puffing and tie the knot.
Ecstatic and anxious, they now want to settle down somewhere far from flocking relatives. They reach the vast plains near Peoria, Illinois. Beautiful country side, not a soul in site. Baldy finds a lovely spot for their abode, an overhang from a tall cliff. Mrs. Baldy is not too pleased. She says she might get vertigo, especially now that she is expectant. "Don’t be silly, darling", says Baldy, "You are an eagle!!" Saying thus, Baldy spreads his mighty wings and soars to the top of the cliff. His bride follows him. They build a nest, lay eggs, hatch them, hunt for rats (in that precise order).
They live in marital bliss.
Scene II
Corporate setting. In a conference room, five human beings are huddled over long drawing sheets. Indignant Environmentalist, Smug Environmentalist Chela, Irritated Client, Exasperated Boss & Shocked me.
There was no other way. Now the road alignment will have to take a deviation and these plans will have to change. Geometry, profile, cross-sections.. everything! 2 months of hard work.. gone!
Me (stifling a sob): What?? But Why??
Boss: Because we have impacted someone’s property. We are within one mile radius.
Me: Whose? Hugh Hefner’s?
Envo: No! Baldy’s.
Chela: Yes miss.. Baldy and family just moved in.
Envo: (with authority) According to Bald Eagle Protection Act of 1940, you cannot build anything within 1 mile radius of the birds nest. You could get sued.
Chela: Yes Yes!
Me: (shit shocked) What in the name of holy Tarzan?!! We are talking of one eagle here, not a colony of them right? Why cant we give Baldy some kind of relocation package, a huge compensation, truckload of worms?? Are eagles sensitive to this? I mean, he wont even know the road is coming up from his perch.
Boss:(cough) Ahem.. Eagles have good vision.
Envo: Anyway, since mankind *pauses and looks vehemently at us* almost succeeded in making the bald eagle population almost extinct, we cannot let such atrocious acts take place. Do you know that population of the bald eagle was 417 in all the 48 states put together in 1963.
Chela: In 1963 ..imagine that!
Client
: (Worried) Oh no! No sue woo! You guys- you consultants! Do the necessary changes. We need this in a month OK.
Boss: Sure sure Mr. IC! We’ll take care of it. No problem. Eagles have rights, especially the bald ones. American symbol and all. Alpha and team will work on changing the geometry etc., don’t worry. And um er.. supplementary costs?
Scene III
One week later, in Baldy’s nest. Mrs. Baldy, plucking her feathers looks coyly at her husband, "Kids are getting bigger & balder, I think we should move soon, dear."
"Sure sexy, in 3 weeks."
This is based on a true story. Alpha is working hard unaware of Baldy’s devious plans.
