Pieces of the Puzzle

Time for lights that bring with them- some really disgusting holiday décor. There should be a law against mutilating a perfectly lovely house with strings of lights thrown in all directions. Puffed up plastic Santas and fake snowmen should be illegal. While driving back home from work, I come across rows of lit houses, each outdoing the other with their gaudiness. Flashing lights, blinding lights, lights in the shape of unknown organisms. What significance do amoebae have in the Christmas story? I do agree that lights bring out the spirit of the holidays and sometimes if skillfully placed, can even be breathtaking. My peeve is only when Christmas decoration tends to look like an extended Halloween embellishment. Phew! With that out of my head, I can rub my sore eyes and breathe lightly till I have to drive home again tonight.

My dread for holiday season doesn’t end there. There is the ‘Christmas party’ or the politically correct, ‘Holiday party‘. The other day I had to attend one- Pi’s office party. Selecting a perfect dress is always a tiring/time-consuming job for me. I will wear almost everything in my closet till I fall down with fatigue and finally end up with what I had worn right in the beginning. This time, I made a smart choice of wearing the dress I had worn for my office party the year before. Finally I got an opportunity to wear it again and get some paisa vasool. It was a knee length sleeveless dress with a slightly plunging neck line. Put on some make-up and wore high heels. Donned a fancy jacket that didn’t protect my bare legs. Endured the cold, shivering from the parking lot to the restaurant. Was to meet Pi here, who would come directly from work.

Left the coat at the front and stylishly (as much as I could manage) tic-tocked to the table. One look at his colleagues, I wanted to turn around and dash out in the cold again. Every single person was in jeans, sweater and sneakers. The most formal person was in khaki pants. I stamped Pi on his foot and grinned sheepishly at everyone. "I just got here from the Grammys."

Note to self: Next time, wear only burka- a denim one.

Was seated right across his boss’s wife. She kept staring at my cleavage that I wanted to tuck my napkin in there. I shifted nervously in the chair. Boss lady asked me, ’Aren’t you feeling cold?’ What concern, I thought. ‘Seeing you all in sweaters, I feel rather warm, thank you!’ I proceeded to tell her the Birbal story.

Note to self: Americans are a conservative lot. Wear such clothes when hanging out with desis.

Introductions start much to Pi’s embarrassment. Now he has to introduce me as his over enthusiastic wife who apparently didn’t get the memo. ‘This is Pat. Pat, my wife, Alpha.’

‘So you are new guy they hired. Heard a lot about you’, I said taking a wild shot as I hadn’t seen him earlier. He was here with his girlfriend, I observed cleverly.

I could see Pi frothing at the corners of his mouth like a cobra had bit him.

‘Alpha, Pat is a woman’.

I’ll be damned!!!! With barely there hair, crisp shirt and pants, Pat looked like a guy out of high school. It so happens that my second guess was at least right. That was her girlfriend!! Thank Goodness!

Note to self: Lesbians can look like boys. Ambiguity in conversation works with strangers.

I decided to keep shut based on Pi’s expressive suggestion. Conversations went from teenage children to grandchildren. Cruises and PTA meetings. Clam chowder and crème brule. Baby sitters and Christmas presents. Very invigorating, I scratched my head and rolled my sleepy eyes. To include me, one of them asked, ‘What do you do?’

‘Apart from making a fool of myself full time, I am Transportation Engineer.’

‘Ohhh wow’ they cooed. This has always been a factor of surprise and a good conversation piece, Pi being a Transportation Engineer too.

"Yes! Isn’t that freaky…blah blah" I blurted out my well rehearsed lines complete with expressions.

Pi heaved a sigh knowing that I couldn’t mess things up now. But he still had an hovering ear perked up, just in case.

Note to self: Feign headache and completely avoid Christmas party next time.